A Word on Wednesday: Recovery

I decided to wrap up my Mental Health series with the word recovery. The word recovery dates to the mid Fourteenth Century, from the Anglo-French recoverie; it speaks to a "return to health."  

Contemporary usage considers recovery as the act of recovering. This first definition acknowledges recovery is not a destination, but an act, indeed a continual act, of recovering. While it may not always remain conscious; recovery from illness is ongoing. This is true for mental and physical illness. 


Recovery can also refer to a restoration or return to health. Health, we must accept does not mean disease free or all clear. Health looks like living well in the context of the conditions present. 

We think about mental illness, from its symptoms, to its diagnosis, to its treatment, and we want to think of an end. We want to think cure. Symptoms come and go, flare up and subside, present and go dormant. Yet, the illness remains; the diagnosis remains true. 

We want recovery to mean cure. But it doesn't. Most mental illnesses are not curable. The hope lies in treatment and prevention. There is no sight of eradication, or even decline of occurrence.  However, one can make a commitment to act on recovering. This repeated action becomes a habit, and this healthy habit then becomes health. 

Today marks the last day of May. While, it seems every month is national something or other month. I do feel compelled each year to consider "Mental Health" during "Mental Health Month" in May. I wish there was no need for months of awareness. So this May, I devoted my words to relate to mental health. You can catch up here: Awareness, Patient, Stigma, and Diagnosis. 

And The Winners Are ...

Thank you to all who entered to win a copy of "Stress Fracture: A Memoir of Psychosis." 

Congratulations to:

• Brittany from Illinois
• Melissa from Nevada
• Sandra from North Carolina. 

Thank you to Goodreads for hosting the giveaway.

A Word on Wednesday: Diagnosis

Don't let them LABEL you! 

Don't let them LABEL your child!

Don't believe the LABELS!

The word diagnosis is not synonymous with "label." 

The medical term, diagnosis, is simple and straightforward. The noun's primary definition is twofold (a) the process of determining by examination the nature and circumstances of a diseased condition and (b) the decision reached from such an examination.

From a point of proper diagnosis, proper treatment can begin. Therefore, a diagnosis isn't something to fear or avoid. It isn't a mark or a stain. It is an opportunity. It is a classification. It is an identification. 

The medical sciences of psychology and psychiatry are far from sacred and just. Still, I choose to distinguish a diagnosis from a label. A diagnosis offers hope and inspires action. A label seems harsher and static.

I think people are hesitant to accept a mental health diagnosis for a variety of reasons.

(Some of which I talked about earlier this month here here and here)

I found this article about the value of a proper diagnosis in this Psychology Today 2014 article. You can read it here.  

A Word on Wednesday: Stigma

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, 

"No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." 

When we think about Mental Health Awareness, we often hear pleas to stop the stigma. Stop the stain, the blot, the tarnish that is mental illness. 

By definition: The noun, stigma, refers to a mark of disgrace; a stain or reproach as on one's reputation. Medically, this is a mental or physical mark that is characteristic of a defect or disease. 

Mental health care advocates work tirelessly to rid societal-level conditions, cultural norms, and institutional practices that breed stigma. 

It is my experience the most damaging stigma is the internalized stigma. It is our own voice beating us down. We do this, because we believe the lie that having a mental illness is disgraceful. By living that lie, health is denied, and we damage ourselves farther. 

The internalized stigma is often far worse than the actual discrimination or consequences of accepting a mental illness as part of one's overall health condition. 

We don't have to feel this way. We don't have to feel less than. 

  

Giveaway! Good Reads Giveaway! Giveaway!

Today through Wednesday, May 24 

GoodReads Giveaway is underway. 

Because it is Mental Health Month. 

Because I love readers.

Because stories matter. 

THREE! will WIN a signed copy of 

"Stress Fracture: A Memoir of Psychosis." 

Enter here!

A Word on Wednesday: Patient

A Patient

Vulnerable.

Bounced by forces not within;

Left bobbing atop the surface,
Or, dragged mercilessly, gurgling for air.

Patient's first synonym is INVALID. 

This can be interpreted to mean not valid or a person who is not capable. 

Patient's primary synonym is derived from the Latin "invalidus" meaning weak. 

Indeed, the weakness of requiring medical intervention is tangible, frightening. 

Yet, at the same time, becoming a patient is a source of HOPE.  

This is true for mental illness, physical illness, and injury. 

Resting and requesting assistance is a path to recovery.

People with symptoms of mental illness are often reluctant to seek treatment, to accept a diagnosis, and to commit to ongoing therapy. 

However, a patient can just mean a person who is under medical care. In fact, the association of patient as a sufferer or victim is archaic. A patient is just a person undergoing some action. For change to occur, action is needed. Improving health is no exception. A patient can be active while being respectful. A patient can be cooperative to improve outcomes. 

When patient is used as an adjective it is the characterization of a desirable quality. A patient person bears hardship with fortitude and calm and without complaint. With patience one can quietly and steadily persevere.

As one becomes a patient with mental illness and faces the problems associated with unmanageable illness, a dose of patience will go a long way. Often, health improvements are achieved through a series of trial and error. Healing requires time.

As Mental Health Month continues, I bring attention to the concept of becoming a patient patient. Healing does not occur quickly. There are not short cuts. Making a step toward change is a start. Stay the course, patiently.

A Word on Wednesday: Awareness

Awareness is a noun; 

it is the state or condition of being aware; having knowledge; consciousness. 

Its synonym, mindful. 

Its antonym, oblivious. 

For decades, organizations have claimed colors and months to bring awareness to a particular disease or cause. Awareness is so popular; yet, action remains rare. Change is slow. 

Since 1949, Mental Health America and its affiliates across the county have led the observance of May as Mental Health Month by reaching millions of people through the media, local events, and screenings. (Nearly SEVENTY YEARS!) 

For nearly three years, I traveled to university class rooms, church basements, community health fairs, hospital training rooms, libraries, book stores, and homes sharing a single story. My story of a bipolar diagnosis and the hope found only in treatment. I have met thousands of people and attempted to bring awareness.

Yet, each time it is really I who gains awareness. I meet another patient, parent, teacher, doctor, spouse. I see another face with pain-filled eyes looking for meaning and strength. I see resilience. I see collapse. I see despair. I see hope. 

We go to these "awareness" events and hold hands with those who wear the same color ribbon, it is not because we are unaware. It is because we know all to well mental health is gravely misunderstood, grossly underfunded, and largely understaffed. We mourn those who died and offer comfort to the survivors. We know. We are aware. 

As May continues, I will examine additional mental health words including stigma, recovery, patient, and diagnosis. 

A word: Onward

You will not find "onward" on a compass rose. 

No one is sure where it goes.

Yet. I. Find. Tomorrow. Each. Time. I. Move. In. Its. Direction. 

Onward  

--is often, and always -- 

The Only Way To Go

A Word on Wednesday: Hope

 The abstract hope cannot be illustrated beyond the four letters it contains.

Hope, when used as a verb, is seemingly without action. We cannot see someone hoping. Hope doesn't sound like much more than "wishful thinking," which cannot be measured or observed.

The expression, "all we can do now is hope," marks this action as one of last resort. When all efforts to control a situation fail, only hope remains, until even that is sometimes lost.

What if we started with hope?

As a noun hope is confidence in the future. The word's actual synonyms include courage, optimism, expectation. Its opposite is despair.

In contrast, a wish is more of request or a bid, and dreams are imaginings or visions. Likewise, to want is to yearn. Hope, though, steadfastly remains a reasonable assurance, just as it was at its origin in Old English, c.1200.

Hope, then, becomes the action of the strong and resilient. In silent elegance, one can hope with just a breath.

I close with these words from John Lennon, "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end." 

A Friendly Observation: Suffer

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the word suffer. 
You can read my unfavorable take on the word here. 

A reader, Nissa Enos, responded with this tolerant, lighthearted take on "suffer." 

Suffers From

I agree with Tara that it is condescending to say someone "suffers from" situation such as depression, cancer, etc. Using the phrase emphasizes victim hood. Instead, it would be more accurate and useful to focus on how the person has drawn on inner strengths, matured their perspectives and learned to carry on with being alive.

There is however one case in which it is appropriate to use "suffers from." That case is when we mean it in the properly derogatory sense of the term.

We may say that someone suffers from halitosis, or bad manners, or poor spelling, or having a foul mouth, or being too dumb to know they are dumb. Unlike in the cancer and depression examples, this person hasn't met an extra challenge that occasioned them to become above-average in knowing how to be alive. Quite the opposite. They have refused to step up to the basic challenge levels that everyone needs to have mastered in order to spend time pleasantly around other human beings.

While we say someone suffers from a condition, it is in fact all of us around them who suffer. "He suffers from halitosis" really means, "He is wholly unaware of and untroubled by his halitosis, but the rest of us must suffer because of it." Likewise, in the case of "She suffers from sociopathy," she is definitely the only one in the scene who is not suffering from the sociopathy. Au contraire, she probably gets big kicks out of it. At everyone else's expense, of course. Many people would agree that "Beavis and Butthead suffer from having grotesque laughter." Again, it is not the boys who suffer from the mouth-breather-y, ceaseless, inane laughter, but us.

"Suffers from" is not appropriate where the person met with a challenge that they could not help, and where they had to gain above-average internal strength in order to survive the challenge. It is appropriate though where the challenges are remediable and where the person fails to meet the bare-minimun self-skills necessary for social interaction and for managing their life.

A Word on Wednesday: Suffer

Using the verb suffer with an object is one of my word choice pet peeves. The culprit is the acceptable definition  No. 5: "to undergo, be subjected to, or endure (pain, distress, injury, or anything unpleasantness).

Consider when the object of the sentence is an illness:

She suffers from diabetes.

He suffers from cancer. 

I suffer from bipolar disorder.

Now consider the same idea told with a different action verb. The subject of the sentence sounds stronger in every instance.

She manages her diabetes. 

He lives with cancer.

I treat my bipolar disorder. 

I blame well-meaning writing coaches for campaigning against the use of passive language. We are taught the following statements are weak.

She has diabetes.

He has cancer.

I have bipolar disorder. 

So rather than clearly and objectively stating a condition, writers are supposed to replace the passive "has" with an active verb. Suffer, then, does the trick; it is dramatic.  

The word itself is pronounced with a softness, a weakness, a helplessness: [suhf-er]. It does not sound tough. When one defines her reality as suffering, it reinforces a victim mentality. Perhaps a person faces disease, compensates for disability, accepts illness, embraces challenge. Perhaps the pain associated with the disease is manageable.





Recently, I read "What I Talk About When I Talk About Running," by Haruki Murakami and the following line gave me pause. I tossed it back and forth in my mind.

"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional."

I find Murakami's observation logical and true. I also find it comforting. It encourages one to accept the pain and face it.

When we talk about having an illness "suffering is optional."

The word I would use instead of suffer is one of graceful strength.

Endure.

One can endure the pain, weather the storm, and carry on.

 

May is Mental Health Awareness Month

Mental Health Awareness month begins today. 

 When I think of stigma, I don't really think that the world needs to be better educated in order to accept me, or anyone else, with a mental illness diagnosis. It just took ME to accept bipolar is real, to move past popular opinion that the disease is personal weakness. I had to stop believing the diagnosis was bogus and embarrassing in order to reach health for myself. By accepting the condition and identifying it, proper treatment can follow, and or about 80 percent of people with bipolar, health can be achieved through treatment. Those are pretty good odds that treatment could be worth effort. 

Live Well! 

I will be at some events in Northeast Wisconsin to honor the month. Thank you for your interest in sharing stories about mental health, and thank you to the non-profit and government agencies who make platforms available for this subject. 

Wednesday, May 6 (11:30 - 7 p.m.) "Stigma: You're WISE if You Lose It" Health Fair with presentations at noon and 6 p.m.  Free Community Event featuring Pat Smith, Cecilia Broussard, and Tracy Rogers at UW-Manitowoc Campus. Signed copies of "Stress Fracture: A Memoir of Psychosis" will be available for purchase at a discounted rate of $10 all day. I will be at the fair from 11:30 a.m. until about 2:30 p.m. This event is presented by Healthiest Manitowoc County Mental Wellness Coalition.

** WISE (Wisconsin Initiative for Stigma Elimination) is a statewide organization promoting inclusion and support for all affected by mental illness by advancing evidence-based practices for stigma reduction efforts.  

Thursday, May 7 (2 p.m.) Book Discussion at the Door County Library, Sturgeon Bay. Join Library Director Becca Berger and Dr. Dennis White (psychologist) for a discussion on the memoir. Copies of the book are available for borrowing at the library. Request a copy via the library's online catalog: InfoSoup.org. For more information, contact Cheryl at the library, (920) 746-2383. This discussion is sponsored by Door County Public Health Department Mental Health Focus Group and Door County Library. 

Friday, May. 8 - Saturday, May 9 (two-day event) Lakefly Literary Conference. I will be leading a memoir writing workshop Saturday morning. Come for Keynote Speaker Michael Perry, stay for the breakouts and connect with like-minded souls. Lakefly

Monday, May 11 (6 - 7:30 p.m.) Free Community Presentation, Resource Fair, and Q&A with the author brought to you by Door County Public Health Department Mental Health Focus Group.

Location: Prince of Peach Lutheran Church, 1756 Michigan St., Sturgeon Bay.  

Monday, May 11 (12:15 -1:15 p.m.) Education Program Sponsored by Door County Public Health Department Mental Health Focus Group. 

• Location: Ministry Door County Medical Center, Conference Rooms One and Two. 
• Intended Audience: Primary Care Physicians and All Other Clinic Providers. 
• Program Objectives: 

1. To learn to encourage voluntary treatment even when the person does not meet the commitment standard criteria of being a danger to himself or others; to understand that health is achievable despite a mental illness diagnosis.
2. To empathize with people experiencing symptoms of mental illness and respect them as human beings; to set aside prejudices and stereotypes.
3. To accept mental illness as a legitimate health problem and struggle that is outside of a person's control, while still holding him accountable for his actions.  

• Lunch Included
• RSVP: Medical Staff Services, Laurel Wise (920) 746-3741, ext. 3741 or Laurel.Wise@ministryhealth.org. 

Saturday, May 30  Private Book Club. (Invite me to your book club via Sykpe or in person. Free autographed copy for the host.)

Thank you for your letters and cards!

Getting an email from the Website or a Facebook message via my author page, and especially the hand-written cards found in the PO Box truly make my day. 

I'm so glad to hear readers are enjoying the book. Putting it out there has alreadyled to more than I could hope for. People are talking, to me anyway, about their
families' experiences with mental illness. They share they believe in wellness despite the diagnoses they or their family members have. 

I do hope these conversations spread. One reviewer on Amazon wrote, "... my view of mental illness has forever changed."  

I am fortunate to live in a time when people are becoming more comfortable with
discussing mental health. 

It is funny, however, because I am both proud of my accomplishment of having published a
well-written book; at the same time I am embarrassed. The embarrassment comes from the stigma, which is still attached to mental illness. Some days it feels as if I admitted some crime that I have committed rather than revealing a story of an illness I survived and am successfully managing.

Thank you again for your notes affirming the book is contributing to the national conversation on mental wellness. 

Live Well, 
Tara 

Alleluia

On this day in my history, I was hospitalized for a psychotic break. I didn't know it at the time; I thought I was going to a birthday party rather than the ICU of a psychiatric care center.

Today's five-year, post-breakdown anniversary is a bittersweet reminder. I celebrate the absence of a re-occurrence, but recall vividly the horror of the injury.   

The cause of the psychotic episode was determined to be bipolar disorder.

The name of that disease, its category of illness, and the shame of it all felt like more than I could accept in the spring of 2010. I certainly didn't feel I would ever be right or normal.

However with medical treatment and a loving support system, I did learn I could be healthy and most importantly happy, genuinely happy even with a feared and disrespected illness as part of my whole.

I came to realize the man-made construct of control can be destroyed through a force outside of oneself. The savings account, the physical ability to work, the false sense of security.

I also learned how to rebuild with a more solid foundation.

I do not feel stronger for having survived. I am weaker — more timid, more hesitant, more fearful. I literally have come to accept I am, in fact, not strong enough to live without the help of medical treatment. I have learned I am not strong enough to live without love and support, which I both give and receive.

A sense of gratitude did emerge from the rubble. I thank God for each day I am able to wake up symptom free. I appreciate my family, my friends, and my vocation as a writer. I am indebted for the men and women who came before me to study,understand, and treat mental illness so those afflicted can live with health. I learned to see the beauty of nature, and through this I recognize the evidence of divinity.

The title of my book, "Stress Fracture: A Memoir of Psychosis" speaks to the temporary nature of psychosis, a fracture, something that can be repaired. A stress fracture — differing from other bone fractures — results from repeated pressure put on a bone, which over time causes a break. Psychosis can be like that; the repeated pressure of living with an untreated or mistreated mental illness forces a fissure in sanity.  

The book was shared so others can recognize many of the symptoms of a chronic mental illness can heal. People with mental illness can live well and enjoy the view from a place of a healthy mind, body, and soul.

Happy spring; happy new life. For my Catholic friends, on Easter Sunday sing those Alleluias jubilantly. 

Congratulations!

The Goodreads giveaway ended last night. Thank you goes out to the 430 who entered.  The three winners will receive a signed paperback, which will be mailed this week.


 Congratulations to:

•  
• Krystal from Wisconsin
• Jennifer from Minnesota
• Cheryl from Sough Dakota

Please note "Stress Fracture: A Memoir of Psychosis" is available to all public libraries and
bookstores. It also is sold at all online outlets. Thank you to those who entered.

Tara 

Goodreads Giveaway

Goodreads Giveaway!

It has been a great start to 2015.

I joined the board of directors of a local chapter of Mental Health America. As part of this organization, I am to give back all that I have gained from the advocates, researchers, and practitioners who came before me and made my health possible.

Letters, book club invitations, and public speaking requests have appeared in my mailbox, which serve to further humble me as I realize how large the need is to support those living with mental health conditions. Reviews on Goodreads and Amazon continue to trickle in from strangers near and far affirming that the work "Stress Fracture: A Memoir of Psychosis" has value. A little thing I can do to spread my story and expand empathy for those living with bipolar is to give away three paperbacks. Click the link Goodreads Giveaway!  for your chance to win.

Please note if you don't win a copy of my book, it is available to all public libraries. Talk to your favorite librarian to get "Stress Fracture: A Memoir of Psychosis" on those library shelves.

Thank you and good luck.

- Tara 

Invite Tara to your book club!

Tara Meissner is available to attend book clubs in person or via skype. 

Email tara@tarameissner.com to make arrangements.

1.      Why did you choose this book?

2.      What knowledge did you have of psychosis and/or bipolar disorder before reading the memoir? Discuss examples of other books and movies about mental illness and how this book compares and contrasts.

3.      How does the author create herself as a character? Describe her personality traits, motivations, flaws. Is the character a likable person, someone you rooted for?

4.      Describe the other people in the book. What value do they add to the narrative? Were they likable, supportive? Who, if anyone, was portrayed as an adversary?

5.      How does the author change after psychosis?

6.      Why might the author have chosen to tell the story in past tense? Did choosing this tense work to give perspective to the experience of psychosis?

7.      What theme comes across in the memoir? Does the title help offer a clue to the theme? Does the author use symbolism?  

8.      The main character struggles with understanding and accepting reality. How do your own biases and experiences influence how you interpret the world? Does her confusion make her an unreliable narrator or do you understand this conflict as part of her journey?

9.      Identify your favorite passages or chapters that stayed with you?

10.  How has this memoir changed you or broadened your perspective and understanding of mental illness?  

Words, Crazy Words in Earnest

While writing a memoir, I thought can I really reveal that much of myself. It is easier now for me to talk about my own mental health, because it does not define me. I am not bipolar. I am a person living with the chronic condition. The stories I tell of the disease do not betray my privacy in its entirety. This condition of bipolar is no more defining of who I am, than the fact that I have brown hair. The difference is my hair color can be seen and the mental illness must be revealed.

 
Stress Fracture: A Memoir of Psychosis is an unpublished manuscript. I wrote it essentially stream of conscious style in a matter of four months in 2010. I spent the next two years, off and on, revising it and trying to make scenes that came alive through fiction writing techniques. The result was a pretty damn good story. With that in my mind, I started to query big literary agents with the naïve notion they would represent an unknown former journalist.

After a round of defeat, I accepted that I would simply be content having written it; I resolved to consider the process cathartic and that its value was to help in my healing process. I didn’t see it as commercial product that deserved space among bookseller’s shelves — physical and virtual. The manuscript, then 260 pages and 70,000 words, was stored in a two black binders out of sight. As much as I tried to place it out of my mind entirely, it continued to nag at me.

Nearly three years after my episode of psychosis, someone very close to me suffered a serious physical health event. The result was a life sentence of coping with a chronic illness, and I needed to learn how to be a support. The similarities of coming to terms with any chronic illness could not be denied. The isolation and confusion that comes when you are knocked off your pedestal of ignorant normal life is the same regardless of the category of ailment. Support and answers are hard to come by in an accessible way.  

The result of my psychiatric inpatient stay was a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, which can be treated, but not cured. The result of my loved one was a disease with a different name. We both were left with no choice but unending daily treatment to manage our health in the context of disease impairment. We are both healthy today, because of treatments. Yet the disease persists.

I see my story, not so much as about myself, but about the things that break us and how we heal. I anxiously set out on another round of agent seeking, again without satisfying results, this past spring.

This summer, I rewrote the memoir in its entirety with the reader in mind. The story was no longer part of me; I simply became the narrator to an event that happened. The result is something that is accessible to an audience. With a clearer understanding of the purpose of the work and its place, I sent it to better targeted agents and indie presses representing psychology memoir.  I am trying not to check my email excessively waiting for a response.

I am resurrecting my blog returning to its original goal. Words, Crazy Words was inspired as a place to talk about mental health. I chickened out and published other work. Regardless of the result of the publishing world to pick up Stress Fracture, I must find a way to contribute to the discussion of mental illness.

Every illness needs stories. People with mental illness often walk silently afraid to appear crazy. I am more fearful of secrets and vowed to live my life out loud. With prose, I have found a whisper that reveals the tragedy of psychosis in the context of a bipolar illness and the hope that treatment offers. My voice is quiet and capable of telling just one story of a disorder that manifests itself uniquely in each person who is afflicted. I aspire to lucidly reflect on an illness which has crippled my mind and efforts to the point of insanity.

 

 

Inpatient

Napping softly, sweat upon his brow

A pillow’s winkles impress his cheek.
 
Tuesday morning awakening to -
Breakfast in bed, sweet maple syrup.
 

His sunken eyes slowly un-lid

Only to find empty, white walls.
 

A cheerful good morning from the nurse’s lips:

Whose husband has a luxury car;

 

Whose children live in isolated bliss;

Who certainly has  an accomplished life.
 

Crazy one. Lying in bed. Traveling the mind.

One Day at a Time

Good morning! I wrote this reflection in 2011 about a year after experiencing a psychotic break, which is commonly referred to as a nervous breakdown. I kept in the present tense, because it was written that way and I like the flow of it. Today, in 2103, I am better than okay. I have experienced just a few break-through symptoms of bipolar, which have been well managed with treatment. Yet, I choose to remember those dark days when one day at a time was all I could manage. I did complete a memoir, titled Stress Fracture: A Memoir of Psychosis, which details the year of recovery. I am not sure if the manuscript will see publication, yet I am shopping it to agents and considering self publishing.

--

Today, I am okay. And really that is all anyone can have or request.

Someday, I may kill myself. It happens to people like me: people who share my diagnosis. But as for today, I am okay. The symptoms do not infiltrate with devastation.

People like me make up an approximate 2.6 percent of the population. People like me sit in prisons. People like me destroy families. People like me are feared. But, today I am okay.

I have a mental illness. It’s not just a case of the blues or an episode of extravagance. It’s something rooted with a firm grasp attempting to rob sanity.

Bipolar is what they call it today. They used to say Manic-Depressive. They think the word Bipolar offers a better description of the teeter totter of symptoms. It is classified in the mood-disorder family residing with Unipolar Depression. With Bipolar Disorder, the pendulum swings from this hopeless pole to mania: a welcome reprise from the other. Back and forth seems more accurate that up and down, but it’s a mixed bag of extremes that are often swirled together.

This companion of mine, a steady uninvited guest, is less straightforward than what is written in a text or reference book. Trumping the predictable highs and lows, have been episodes polluted with hallucinations and delusions. I have seen things that are not there. I have believed distortion. The truth was hard to recognize. They tweaked my diagnosis: Bipolar Disorder with Psychotic Features.

The researchers work. They believe. They try to find a way to understand. They seek wisdom, validity, and solution. They break this illness farther into categories I and II, which describe variations of the disorder. The outcomes of bipolar manifest uniquely in each person afflicted.  

Without a measuring stick the doctors probe and jab and question. They find commonalities to their lists, they make educated assumptions. Believing their assessment is the way to hope. The alternative hurts too much.

Denial, a cousin to the disorder, tempts logic. It casts Doubt’s shadows. Denial’s attraction is to believe instead this category of sickness is hogwash. It classifies the previous description as weakness. It serves to forego a scientific treatment and rather prescribes to dress with gumption and arm with willpower making a way without treatment.

I put my faith in the doctors. I believe the research. I owe it to myself to have a majority of days where I am okay. I owe it to society to be productive. The hope they give is balance. With this, I can navigate life with promise.

I keep a belief in a higher power. I ask the creator for grace as I carry a burden. Hurdles do not make us special: we all come across one or another. I call mine bipolar. You may have a different obstacle. Call it a cross to bear if that resonates with your education. Mine is real. It comes, it stays, and it’s chronic. I treat the symptoms; I walk with optimism waiting with anticipation for the advancement that cures this monster.

I keep hope. I trust those who love me, when I know not to trust myself. Today, however, I am okay.

--

Thank you for reading.